The Nomadic Child – Cheryl Achieng Okuthe

With the benefit of hindsight, I realise that growing up in multiple cities and countries and thus being exposed to numerous cultures has equipped me with the capacity to thrive in changing circumstances in spite of the negative effects that are often associated with being raised in such a manner. One of the main consequences of constantly having to relocate as a child is not having full control over the events and experiences in your life. As simple as it may appear, learning to cope in an environment that frequently changes is a challenge for a substantial number of people and there are some who spend their entire lives trying to learn how to adjust to that situation.

During my childhood, I can’t ever recall living in one city for more than three years at a time prior to university. My parents, being academics, transferred back and forth between different universities. When I was much younger there was a thrill to the constant movement, it felt like a permanent family vacation or perpetual family adventure. Aside from acquiring the coping skills that enabled me to handle the constant change, I also developed an inherent desire for continuous change. After living in one place for a few months or a couple of years, I found myself yearning for the next adventure. This hunger for constant change is also said to be one of the many things afflicting Generation Y which is as a consequence of the expanding technological age. This generation was and continues to be  exposed to new dynamics, which is exhilarating but has also had an addictive side effect.

There weren’t any residual consequences to this way of life until the last couple of years of my primary schooling when my family and I relocated and I had to leave my first close-knit group of friends. At this point in my life I had begun to establish a homestead so when I was suddenly uprooted from the comfort of finally getting settled, it was quite traumatic.

These events had a huge impact on future social interactions with my peers. I was unwilling to interact with other children and found myself spending more and more time at home with my parents. There were even times when my teachers showed serious concern. From that point on I began to perfect the art of assimilation; a performance of sorts that I used often because I needed to immerse myself in the culture of the new town or community I entered. However, the relationships and friendships I developed with other people were superficial. I felt as though I were playing a role, smiling and showing concern on cue. As a result, I found my capacity to empathise beginning to fade. I had never been given the opportunity to engage with people on a deeper level. A lot of people, in situations they consider stressful, find ways to detach themselves from those situations. This was mine.

As I entered the later stages of my adolescence, maintaining these superficial friendships began to take its toll. Not only was it exhausting, it became irritating. Getting to know new people over and over again also became burdensome. I often thought, ‘what for? I’m going to be leaving soon anyway.’ Never fully being myself soon spawned feelings of resentment, not only towards my parents, but towards myself and other people. I felt isolated and alone despite the fact that this isolation was primarily my own doing.

As I grew older, those around me began to catch on to my ‘façade’ and registered the superficiality of my interactions with them. I soon stopped socialising all together as the aim of the assimilation was rendered obsolete. I found myself experiencing strong feelings of depression or anger. Nevertheless, my isolation led me to develop a sense of self-awareness and independence. Of course, as a teenage girl I experienced the inevitable self-esteem issues but I came to appreciate the strong personality traits and resilience I had developed. Playing a role for most of my young life allowed to me to simply sit back and observe the behaviour of others. I was the Sir Attenborough of sorts in people’s everyday lives. I soon learned to trust my judgment and my instincts.

I’ve often wondered whether a person could still suffer from an identity crisis even though they have a reasonable sense of self-awareness. When I was younger I had difficulty establishing my cultural identity. I had always considered myself Kenyan but the amalgamation of so-called ‘Western practices or beliefs’ with traditional African values had a significant influence in shaping my own cultural identity. This is something that a lot young Africans experience nowadays but since I had a largely Christian upbringing, the conflict that arises between these two cultures has never really impacted me to the extent that it has other African youths. Undoubtedly, this was one of the reasons why my self-awareness, independence and cultural identity were formed very easily.

After the bouts of loneliness I experienced during my adolescence, I found a few people I could relate to within the vast, diverse student population of my university. Finding common experiences amongst some of my fellow students liberated me from my self-imposed isolation. Although I revelled in the feeling of uniqueness, finding people who could relate to me was worth so much more.

Frequently moving from country to country and city to city was extremely stressful and negatively impacted how I chose to interact with people around me. But there were many benefits to having this kind of childhood as well. I experienced a great sense of global identification, developed an appreciation for the different cultures I’ve been exposed to and was able to immerse myself in them without losing grips on my own culture. I have also established a strong awareness of my unique cultural identity which is a great source of pride for me. There is a lot of truth in the saying that you are shaped by the moments and milestones of your life and the same applies to me. There is no denying that my childhood was tremulous but it moulded me into a resilient and well-rounded person. Looking back, I believe that I coped reasonably well despite the ups and downs I went through during my adolescence, the most pivotal period in my life so far. I cannot say that without all the experiences that I have gone through I would be the person I am today.

 

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2 thoughts on “The Nomadic Child – Cheryl Achieng Okuthe

  1. Thank you for sharing your beautiful reflections on growing up between transitions and cultures. I really appreciate the way you are able to hold both the good thing and the difficult things at once, with neither cancelling the other out. I hope you are finding peace as you process the journey that has brought you where you are today.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. […] The Nomadic Child – Cheryl Achieng Okuthe The Diaspora Baby I only recently came across this beautiful post from July. In it guest author Cheryl’s reflects on growing up between transitions and cultures. She graciously holds both the difficulties of her upbringing and the advantages she gained from it – both valid, neither dismissed. Many of her words reflect those I’ve heard from dozens of TCKs – very much worth a read. […]

    Liked by 1 person

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